Something of a god Complex

I entitled this post with a little "g" in "god", as not to confuse with the Creator of all things.

As an artist (I'm reclaiming this, as I am returning to my love of drawing) and wordsmith, I have the self-assigned responsibility of creating quality work. My last post ("Writing: Illusionary Magic in the Mind's Eye") was about the magic of storytelling. Consider this a followup. Just as a comedian hones his craft to not only get laughs but also inform the audience on the sly (medicine goes down easier with a spoonful of sugar weasels--LOL!), an artist demands the amazement of the onlooker and a writer, the turning of the next page.

I am quite notorious for my twisted sense of humor, which leads to impromptu posts on Facebook. My sister called me one day and I was still giggling from something I'd put out. She said, "You really do find the stuff you post funny, don't you?"

What could I say? If I don't find my comedic stuff hilarious, neither will my audience.

The same goes for the stories I write. If I don't find them interesting, neither will you.

I've been asked for years and years why I've never gotten into sports. Part of it was because my father put more emphasis on martial arts training (as he is an avid chess player and sensei of several schools of martial science) than watching the game. As a kid, I played neighborhood softball, basketball and other stuff. However, as an adult, I never saw the need to follow a team with the zeitgeist of a religious experience. I root for my Chicago teams (hell to the YEAH!) but I'm more caught up in creating my own universe than how much so-and-so's contract is paying over the next 5 years. That doesn't equal money in my pocket.

Just as I emphasized the little "g" in "god", I'm not knocking sports fans in the slightest. I just have other things on my mind...like character development...like creating book series...like keeping my readers entertained and informed. Does that give me a god complex? Maybe a little. But then, God crafted me in His own image, therefore I create...

Writing: Illusionary Magic in the Mind's Eye

When I was a little guy, I always wanted a magic set. My parents brought me several over the years and I learned how to pull a fake rabbit out of a hat, how to make it seem like a ring jumped from one finger to another and, more importantly, how to make a stack of coins transport from my elbow to the palm of my hand. I loved the responses I got from these tricks and took hours, even days to master them. I loved having an audience.

Around the same time, I was experimenting with storytelling. I primarily spun yarns through the medium of self-made comic books, which I would sell to friends and family for a nickel. As the economy shifted and my drawings got better, I increased my prices from a dime to fifteen, all the way to a whopping twenty five cents. The magic was twofold: it allowed my customers to be whisked away into a world where I made the rules; I, in turn, began to believe I could make a profit from producing my own books. Both were pure concepts that still stand today.

Books are magical things. A reader can be so caught up in the illusion that, for a few moments in time, it becomes real. And that's a wonderful thing.

On the flip-side of that coin, there are things that work on the page that would never pan out in real life. I can write up a character who can ignore or bend the laws of gravity to walk on a ceiling without a second thought. Trying to do so in reality could get a person hurt.

In one of my stories, "The Electric Spanking Machine", I advocate passing on the chore of disciplining children to a rather laughable, titular contraption. The reality of such a device being invented and marketed and becoming a worldwide sensation is slim-to-none (though I'd love to make a profit from the sales if it ever did! LOL!), but it's a fun premise to imagine. Especially if, like in the story, you are the mother of twin boys. I penned the story with two sets of adopted twin nephews in mind. Boys are already a handful, but could you imagine something that would ease the pain of raising two?! HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's all about the suspension of disbelief. I took a real issue, turned it on it's head, added heaping helpings of humor and got great results. It was my first published piece and brought many laughs when I read it for audiences.

Life is hard and we could all use an occasional escape. Numbing the pain with drugs, alcohol, or gambling can have dire consequences. Reading books are just as addictive but don't yield such negative results. To provide an escape from bills, relationships, parenting or work, why not curl up with a good book? You'll appreciate it later. Plus, the sugar weasels will love you for it. What are sugar weasels? I don't know; I made them up! It's up to me as a writer to flesh them out enough for your mind to believe they really exist... LOL!

Artwork Time Capsule

Years ago, before I used writing as my sole form of creative output, I was an aspiring graphic novelist. These sketches were dug up from over 20 years ago. Makes me want to pick back up my pencils. What do you think?

Don's Lexicon of Misappropriated Language (Part 1)

DON'S LEXICON OF MISAPPROPRIATED LANGUAGE (Part 1)

Rod Serling set the standard with his speech that opens 'The Twilight Zone.' However, this other dimension has to do with using twisted, carjacked English, re-appropriated for use as I see fit. In this other dimension of not only sight nor sound but of mind, intentional misspellings, double entendres and sugar weaseling of words abound.

That said, here are the terms of the day, broken down so even troglodytes and prolific knuckleheads can understand. Enjoy!

NATHAN: A substitute for "nothing." In a sentence, "That fool thought he was going to rob me but was only doing it for practice. I ain't had nathan in my pockets but lint!"

DEM SHYTZ: A rehashing of "them shits" which, in itself, is improper English. A favorite saying for Steed (have you read 'Dead Assets' yet, mang?), which is a stand-in for just about anything in plurality. In a sentence, "The barbecued ribs were too mild, so I had to put some hot sauce on dem shytz!"

MANG: Scoobert Beardy Mills and PastorKevin McLemore love this term, which I derived from 'Scarface' and Howlin' Wolf's "Mannish Boy" (though the latter comes off more like "main"). It's a mispronunciation of "man", which, when used in a sentence, surpasses gender and is a stand-in term for a person for whom the speaker has some sort of affection or passion. It is often used with the term "main" for humorous effect: "Herb is cool. He's my main mang, mang!"

SLAPCHU: An antiquated term from my old neighborhood, which denotes the putting down of one's pimp hand. "What?! You been out on the corner all night and this is all you have to show for it?! Don't make Sweet Daddy Sugar Weasel have to slapchu!"

CAT: A term of affection for a cool dude. Often used with the term "smoove": "Reggie might be the smoovest cat we know!"

WWF TERMINOLOGY: Used for dramatic, laughable effect: "Every time I get into it with my old lady, she be comin' off the top rope like Jimmy Superfly Snukka with the People's Elbow!"

PIMP SLAPPAGE: Just what it sounds like.

UNCONSCIOUS: To a point that surpasses the senses; to an extreme.

SPANKS: Thanks.

UNDEROOS: (Often used in conjunction with a favorite superhero) Underwear or pajamas, most often for comedic effect. "I was lazy as hell yesterday, sittin' around the house all day rockin' my Captain America Underoos with the trapdoor and the feet in 'em..."

FYC: Short for "f*** yo' couch", from the "Rick James" segment of 'Chappelle's Show'. A favorite inside joke and term of endearment between me, Robert Hall and Charles Streat. The couch can also be replaced with a loveseat (FYLS), ottoman (FYO) or any other random piece of furniture.

HOLLIN' 1-8-7 WMDIYM, FOOL: A term used for a random burst of laughter or unexpected comedy. I won't explain "WMDIYM", though. Reference Snoop and you'll be fine.

WHIPPER-SNAPPER / GIPPER-GAPPER / YOUNG GRASSHOPPER / PADAWAN: A younger or relatively inexperienced individual.

TRUE DAT: Same as "Ain't that the truth!"

I'LL BEHAVE: Same as "Allow me to retort. I just posted something bordering on X-rated when this is a PG-13 format...but I really ain't sorry!"